Coming Soon....

A post? Maybe? Surely. I just had to wait until finals were over. And then, I just needed a few days of nothingness. No stress. Nothing that needed to be done, or written, or studied for, or planned out, or arranged. Just, nothing. And I can't even remember a time when I've enjoyed nothingness so much as I am now. Just today for instance, I went to yoga, came home, took a nap, went to a wake and then took another nap. And never once did I feel guilty about not studying, or not reading, or not trying to get ahead. Nope, not once. 

Not only that, but I still have 2 more weeks of nothingness to enjoy! 

I'm also hoping that somewhere in the next two weeks of nothingness I can get a few blogs written and saved so that I can just post them through my 9 weeks of Anatomy and Physiology. Topics to include, How to Survive Bikram Yoga (because I have searched and there is nothing that I can find about how to survive it and I know there must be other people like me who want to know and so I will be the first to have a collective space about it, why you need to do it and most importantly, how to survive it), A recipe on rich delicious chocolate cheesecake (complete with a cookie crust), Painting a room red (my ex was suppose to help with this, but I guess breaking my heart was an easier option and so now it is a solo project), how my flower garden is coming along, and then whatever else I can possibly think of to write. 

Recipe for a Broken Heart Salve

Broken hearts are perhaps the hardest things in the world to heal. But, just like any other injury, it will heal itself in time. There is no cure all for broken hearts and while I have definitely been the victim of a couple in my past 26 years, this one is perhaps the worst. And so, I have started thinking of ways to help it heal, outside of just plain time and decided to share them in hopes maybe somebody else will find them as a helpful pain reducing ointment.

So, in order to make my broken heart salve, here is what you will need:

• Time (unfortunately)
• Tissues
• A really good support system
• A Hobby
• Something new that you are dying to try
• A mantra

    Time. The first ingredient. There is just no way around it and I know it absolutely sucks to hear. But, time does heal all wounds, and the broken pieces of your heart is no different then any other cut, scrap, bruise, sprain, break, that you might have received before. It takes time to heal just like all of those other things. It, of course, would be nice for it to heal quickly, but chances are, it won't. What is even more frustrating is that there is no time limit for how long it hurts. I hear sometimes that people say it will take twice as long as you were together, or half as long, or three quarters as long or some other random scientific calculation as to how long it will hurt, but honestly, there is just no time length. It can take a month. It can take a year. It can take 5 years for some (although, I hope that I am definitely not in that group). But each of us is different and while our wounds all heal differently, the important thing to remember is that they do indeed heal. 

    Tissues. Oh, you will need a lot of them. Like, a couple boxes a lot of them. If you're lucky. You're going to cry. It is just how it is. Please don't be one of those people who hold it all in, get jaded, build up these crazy walls and only end up hurting yourself in the end because you're too scared to feel anything. Just cry. A lot. Get it all out. Crying scours the heart. Right now, I cry all the time. I am not shy about it. I cry on the phone. I cry in the car. I cry at work. I cry when I get home. I cry. A lot. But every time I cry, I feel a lot better. I purge all the hurt that I'm feeling in those tears and snot. I promise you there is nothing wrong with crying over a broken heart. You're hurting. It hurts like hell. And it aches. And boy oh boy does it ache. And it hurts. So cry. And it's okay to say a lot of negative things when you cry too, I do. The point is that it is really important to your moving on (in a healthy way) to get these feelings and emotions out and not bottle them up. 

    A really good support system. My mom holds me a lot when I cry, I ask her too. I guess it is one of the perks of moving back home. And during this process of healing I also told her that I just need her to constantly tell me that I'm going to be okay. All the time. Just tell me. And my friends? I told them the same thing. Just please constantly reaffirm to me that I am going to be okay. You need strong people around you because you're not always going to feel strong and you're going to need them to hold you up sometimes when you can hold yourself up. There is no shame in asking someone to just be there for you and comfort you and listen to you. I'll listen if you need me to. But you need people, don't isolate yourself, now is not the time. Isolate yourself when you have a deadline and a really big project, but not when you're hurting. 

    A hobby. You must stay busy. As busy as you can possibly stay. Now is the time to paint the room you've been putting off. Or start training for the marathon you really never considered ever running. Or clean the house. And then your car. And volunteer. You just need a hobby. I have school. Outside of work, school has turned into my hobby and I have completely thrown myself into it even more than I did before. I need to stay busy. The busier I am, the less time I have to dwell on anything. And it is the same for you too. 

    Something new that you are dying to try. This should also be of the really challenging variety, something that makes you feel like you're not going to make it through. That there is no way you can possibly do this. And that is exactly the thing you should do. I have personally taken on Bikram Yoga, which is yoga done in a room that is heated to 105 degrees. It is hot. And I grew up in California, but this is hot. And humid. And it lasts for 90 minutes. And every time I go, just making it through the class, even by just sitting.. or by lying there.. is exhilarating. It is inspiring. And it gives you nothing but 90 minutes of thinking about how to make it through your present situation without dying, because you don't have time to think about anything else. Which is really like a mental nap from everything else you've been thinking and mulling over. This is the single most difficult thing I have even done. And to make it through let's me know that I can make it through anything. 

    A mantra. Lastly, You need something that you can constantly repeat to yourself all the time. It needs to bring you comfort and enable you to focus and be in the present. It also needs to be something you believe. It needs not to be difficult, simple is just fine. Mine is that I'm going to be okay. I tell myself this all day long. All the while I'm crying and blowing my nose, I tell myself that I'm going to be okay. I have my mom tell me all day long. I have my friends tell me too. It brings me comfort and I believe it. I know I'm not going to be okay today or even tomorrow or maybe any time soon, and I don't need to be, but I know that eventually, eventually I will be okay. I will make it through this. 

    And these are all my ingredients for a broken heart salve. You can pick one or you can pick them all, or maybe you have other things that help that I might need to know too. I have found that everyday seems to get microscopically easier. I await the day that I will wake up and it won't hurt anymore. The day that I can stop sleeping with his sweater and pack away all the notes and mementos. I don't think that will anytime soon, but I know that day will eventually come. In the meantime, I need to surround myself in warm hugs and soft tissues. I just have to keep telling myself it will be okay and focus on not dying in yoga. 

My apologies for being so absent. I decided to finally finish the last 18 credits I need to get my B.A. and it's taking up massive amounts of time. Okay, it's really taking up all my time. I have 9 credits this semester, hopefully a couple this summer and then the rest in the fall. And then I'm done.

On top of school I've been job hunting non-stop as well. I won't go into my work related issues here, I could write what would amount to a 30 page post about it, but then again, can't we all? None the less though, it's time to find a new job and while I apply to about 10 jobs a week, there are also 1,000 other people applying to those 10 jobs a week and so it makes it difficult. Thankfully I at least have a job, for now, while I pursue a new one, but it really can't come quick enough. And that also takes up all of my time.

In between school and job hunting, I've had to find time to deal with my car situation. I should finally have it back the middle of this week. My rental runs out today actually, but my parents are going to cover tomorrow since there's no way they'd be able to drive me back and forth tomorrow, but I'll be returning it tomorrow evening and they will be shuttling me around the next couple days. Luckily I have the most amazing parents in the entire world and their kindness always humbles me. I look forward though to getting to spend some time with them and watching their 46 inch LCD HDMI tv a little bit too. Even if I have to watch sports with my dad.

I do have random things to blog about as well, opinion that truly need to be shared on such topics as birka's in France and 18th century literary restoration and my independent study and.. and.. just stuff. However, that requires time and hopefully I'll be able to make some soon to talk about something else besides how much time I don't have.

This is perhaps the best cake I've ever made. And I like to make a lot of cakes.

Actually, it's not perhaps, I'm pretty sure it is.

Just look at how good it looks. It's a Tres Leches cake, which is a Spanish dessert. You can read about it here if you really want to. But, it's basically just a cake soaked in three different milks. Specifically for this cake I used, coconut milk (not cream), whipping cream and sweetened condensed milk. It came out amazing.

Preheat your oven.

(If your not using a dark pan, set your oven at 350)

Start with a box of white cake mix (any brand, it doesn't matter), 2 tablespoons oil, 1 1/4 c. water, 3 eggs and 2 bananas mashed up. Make sure you mash them up. I didn't mash mine up before putting it in the mix, but I wish I had.

(Sorry, forgot the flash in more than a few pictures!)

Grease the bottom of you pan, pour in your mix and bake for about 35 minutes or until done.

Then is has to cool for an hour. So while it cools, I toasted coconut.

I love toasted coconut. I had a cup of vanilla ice cream with toasted coconut on top with hot fudge this morning. For breakfast. But it's just so good, I couldn't resist. But, back to the cake.

Mix together a can of sweetened condensed milk (14 oz), 1/2 c. coconut MILK, and 1/2 c. whipping cream in a bowl and then once your cake COMPLETELY cools, poke holes with a fork ALL over it, and pour the milk mixture on top.

Then put it in the fridge overnight.

As you can see, I still had a lot of liquid left in the morning. I poured this into a cup and poured it back over the cake in the middle and let it sit for another hour to absorb. 

Once it's absorbed, frost it!

I just used a container of white frosting.

Then I used my toasted coconut.

And wow. It is amazing! Enjoy!

It's snowing today. It snowed yesterday too. I would have thought yesterday would have been more than enough snow, but I guess the atmosphere had other plans. Gotta love New England. Well, somebody does, not me.

(I'm proud of that picture, I think I did pretty good)

But here it is snowing again today.. and it looks like tomorrow it's suppose to snow some more.

I tried getting in my car (rental, mine is still being fixed) this morning to drive to work and I freaked out. Full fledged panic attack. Again. Needless to say I'm sitting in my living room now, listening to John Mayer playing in the background, looking at the snow falling outside safely inside. I can't wait for this all to end and be over. I do have to work tonight for a couple hours though and it doesn't look like the snow it suppose to let up. I'm fortunate enough though that my parents are going to drive the 45 mins. to pick me up and take me to work. For 2 hours. They are that awesome. And I am once again humbled by their goodness. I'll be staying there overnight so they can bring me to work tomorrow since it's suppose to snow once again. Their goodness doesn't come without conditions though. Sleeping over was one of them. The second? I need to get in my car and attempt to drive to the end of the street. I at least need to make it to the end of the driveway and if that's all I can do, that's okay, I can put it in reverse and come back. But, I need to do at least do that. Good thing I have beer in the fridge, I might be needing it.

So with an almost full day off, I'm planning on trying to get caught up on blogging, I have a few that are awaiting being put into words and I have some school stuff I need to get in order before classes start on the 26th. That's next Tuesday. Sigh. And I have a Tres Leches cake that is setting.

At the moment though, Super Mario on my DS is calling, no screaming, my name.

It's really time for me to take down my Christmas decorations. I plan on leaving my tree up just a little longer though since it's one of the few things that actually brings me a little bit of joy lately. However, it's time that everything else came down and the regular decor goes back up.

Kind of.

Valentine's Day is around the corner. I wasn't planning on decorating for V-Day, but I found these really cute pink vases for 5 bucks for a set of 3. I was all about that. I decided I'd set them out for the holiday, maybe year round.

But, what's really great is that red isn't only a Christmas color but, it's also a V-Day color too. And, all the Christmas clearance is 80-90% off right now. Including things that are red. I realize that not everything can be cross-holiday'd but, I found this large hurricane vase at Khol's that certainly can. However, I really need to pack up what decorations are out from Christmas first before I can put this vase out. I'm not even sure where to put it yet, but by the time I publish this post, hopefully I will have found a spot.

It took me a while, but I found a spot. On top of the TV.

\

I like it enough to maybe even keep it out year round too.

I'm sure I've been defriended on Facebook a few times, only one of which I can actually remember though, but that's just because it was personal. All the other times? I have no idea when they happened or even by who or even if they've actually happened. That just goes to show how much I actually pay attention to the flux in my "friend" count.

Driving home from my parents house the other night I was listening to essay being read on Public Radio about this topic and it really had me thinking about how we go about defining our friendships in today's world. If you look up friend in the dictionary, it says that a friend is "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relation." But, it seems like today, you can't really be friends if you're not somehow connected on Facebook. But even if you are friends on Facebook, does that even make someone a  real friend? Are you friends now just because you receive their annoying updates on what they had for dinner or when they used the bathroom last?

My mom always likes to tell me that friends take years and years every time I reference somebody as my friend. When I was younger, I always found this to be annoying and I never believed her, she was just annoying. This person that I got along with today, they're my friend. Well, for now anyway. Because as I got older, and still found it to be incredibly annoying every time I reference somebody, I find what my mom always told me to be true. Friends do take years and years and best friends? Oh. My. Gosh. They take even longer than that. So don't even think about holding your breath for that one.

But this is why I find it funny that people get so upset about whether someone friends them or defriends them on Facebook. I suppose that if my very best friend defriended me, I would of course be upset, but someone I haven't talked to in five years and only know about their lives from Facebook updates? No, I won't really be too sad and honestly, I probably won't even know they're gone. I'm sorry. That's mean. But, I'm can't lie. And ex-boyfriends? Nope, won't really be heartbroken if they defriended me either. Some people get upset about co-workers them. Really though? I mean, you're co-workers.

The day after hearing that essay on PR, I was driving to work and listening to a different radio station and someone on the morning show was complaining about how they were recently defriended. This man was so upset because even though they hardly ever talk, they're still friends. Really? Are you sure? Maybe your acquaintances, but I have a hard time believing you're actually friends. And acquaintances, by the way, are defined as, "a person one knows slightly, but who is not a close friend." I mean, do you know how work is going for him, other than through a Facebook update? Maybe he had a health scare that he didn't feel the need to broadcast to 400 random people, would you be aware of that if he didn't? 

I find that mostly people "befriend" each other in order to feel connected, to feel a sense of belonging. And I think this is true not just in the virtual world either. But, I also think that unless there's years and years of history there, then you're just acquaintances. I listened to another essay on PR (noticing a trend? I appreciate the thought provokingness of it...) about society's need to belong to something, whether it be a country club or a gang- and really, if you think about it, there is no real difference in the reasons as to why people join one or the other, and really there isn't even a difference as to why people join networking sites or befriend 300 people. It's all a matter of needing to feel connected and a sense of belonging. You belong to something.

And don't get me wrong, I am not at all holier than thou. I'm part of this crowd too somewhere. I belong to  Facebook. I even belong to Myspace. And it's all for the same reasons as anyone else. The difference though is in how you view your friends. Just because someone defriends you doesn't mean they don't like you. I defriended an ex because his girlfriend likes to spy on everyone as she is logged on as him. No thanks, really. And it's not like you're missing the invitation to the birthday party or the wedding. I just think it's silly how wound up people get on being defriended. And I guess I do to, because I just dedicated a nice blog post to it.

(I assure you this is a lot better than the picture gives credit for. I'm not a photographer, remember?)

I found this recipe from Betty Crocker. Stop with your preconceived notions, it's amazing, and easy, and amazing.

This is what you'll need to make it...

8	chicken drumsticks or thighs (1 1/4 lb), skin removed
1	package (6 oz) original-flavor long-grain and wild rice mix
2	cups 1 1/2-inch cubes peeled butternut squash
1	medium zucchini, cut lengthwise in half, then cut crosswise into 3/4-inch slices
1	medium red bell pepper, cut into 1-inch pieces (1 cup)
2	cups water
1/2	cup garlic-and-herb spreadable cheese

So, here are my veggies... 

(I used precut butternut squash because it's SO much easier)

(And I used extra zucchini, both a yellow and green because I looooove them!)

After turning your oven on to 425, brown your chicken in a skillet:

And while my chicken was browning on medium to high heat, I mixed my rice mix, and veggies all together in a 13x9 baking pan.

When your chicken is done, remove it from pan, I put mine in just a bowl and then add the 2 cups water to the pan. Once it's boiling pour it over your veggies and rice mix and stir together. Then stir in your cheese...

Mmmmm. 

This is what I used because I'm cheap and didn't want to pay the $6 for Boursin...

However, I think it'd be worth paying the extra $2. This tasted just fine, I promise, but if you use this, use more than 1/2 cup otherwise it's not a strong enough flavor. I like strong flavors. 

So, we've mixed in a our cheese and water and now I put my chicken on top

And then covered it up and put it in the oven

And then you just bake it for about 45 minutes. You want all the liquid to be absorbed and the chicken to  run clear. 

When I pulled mine out of the oven, the liquid was still there, but as soon as I stirred it altogether, the rice absorbed it and mixed with the cheese, it comes out like a lovely easy risotto! 

Enjoy it.. it's really really good!

To take away the heaviness (and give me something else to think of) from yesterday's post, I decided to go around my home looking for something that I could tell a story about- maybe where I got it, or some significant meaning behind it, perhaps even an inside joke that goes with it. I took pictures of a couple things, but decided to start here. And why not? It is the entryway after all. But, first let's get something off the table- I am not an ace photographer or even someone who aspires to be one, so just go with it (when we get there). Okay? Okay!

A few years ago, and I do mean a few. Maybe six. I was at Target, because let's face it, who doesn't love Target? and found a couple lanterns on clearance for a grand total of $5. I was a college student at the time and worked full time and had money to just blow on everything, so I figured why not? they'd look cute.. somewhere.. maybe.


Well, weeks and then months passed and still I found no place for them. I did decide that they needed to be hung from the ceiling, but where? I still lived at my parents house and just couldn't find a spot quite right for them. And so more time passed. A year, two, then three. They stayed in my closet, not tucked away or hidden, just there. Getting banged around and hit with shoes, pulled out and pushed back in, covered with a jacket, then a pair of jeans. Eventually after years of distress one gave in and had enough. Just a little window break, not enough to worry about, but it did make me think of throwing them away.  I thought about this many times over the six year period that they were in my closet, but always felt as though they had a deeper purpose than to fill a trash-can.

Eventually, I moved out and of course they came with me. I waited six years! And let's be honest, if I couldn't find a place for them here, then there just wasn't a place for them to be had. But, low and behold, after a couple months of just hanging around (no pun intended, because they were actually just sitting around), I found the perfect local for them as you can see.

and

I hung them from the ceiling with fishing line actually- to give them the floating in space look! and inside each lantern is a little spot for a tea-light candle to sit perfectly.

(disclaimer: this is a cell phone picture)

And, I have to say, at night with the lights out, they provide the perfect illumination for the entryway. The other great thing about them is that they help separate the kitchen from the entryway since as you can see it's a rather open floor plan. The area beneath the lanterns is still not set to my liking, but we'll save that for another post. And there you have it. A Lantern Story.

I started the new year by totaling my car. 

No, that's not my car, that's just the car next to my car that makes me feel a little better every time I look at it. It reminds me how lucky I really am and how much worse it could have been. 

This is my car. 

Or, was, I should say. 

And, granted, it doesn't really look that bad, but let me adjust the angle a little bit for you. 

And, here's a close up:

Yeah.

The airbag deployed, but that's a boring picture. And the seat-belt compartment is broken too, but that's also a boring picture. And since I was coming home from the grocery store, I had a jar of pickles with me, and they broke too, making the entire inside of the car smell like pickles. Getting that smell out of the car should be enough to total it right there. I also noticed today while I was there that the windshield was literally centimeters from collapsing in on me. And while the damage isn't nearly that of the PT Cruiser next to it, I'm pretty sure that the damage done will exceed the $9000 mark when you start getting into the frame and steering column and all the other really expensive stuff that will need to be fixed.

What was that you asked? What happened? Oh, here, let me show you.

I was driving down this hill. Imagine me at the top. Around 7:20PM with slightly less than an inch of snow on the ground. Not going very fast at all. It was snowing after all.

And as I'm rounding the corner there I panic and press my brakes. They lock up, well, they do what ABS brakes do, which pretty much means they lock up, and I slide. I just slide. Nothing I could do, just slide. And unfortunately my car had a magnet for this:

A telephone pole. The one standing on the right is a brand new one they had up less than 24 hours later. The one broken and on the ground? That's mine. Yes, mine. Apparently there's a "You Break It, You Buy It" policy when it comes to telephone poles. And considering that I hit a telephone pole, and broke a telephone pole, I find it pretty hard to believe that there wouldn't be any frame damage at all, which brings me back to my guesstimate about the dollar value of damage. I'm sticking with totaled.

But, considering that I did indeed hit a telephone pole and was lucky enough to get up and walk away, I'd say that's not really the worst way to start off the year. I only hope now that my friends in the Cruiser were just as lucky.

I decided to start again. I needed a new blog that more clearly expresses who I am. Or at least a blank page in which to fill up with words that hopefully will all fit together to say something meaningful or inspiration.

Just kidding.

Kind of.

In an attempt to create my life rather than life creating me, I decided that I will once again enter the world of writing and showcase everything I've got. Because honestly, I've got a lot, kid. I needed a wall on which I can frame and then hang up my recipes and my Etsy shop endeavors and my knack for interior decorating and maybe my triumphs and failures.

I do hope you will all come along for the ride.. it might be a promising one.