Sunday, December 5, 2010

Will you please just sit down when you pee?

This has been a pet peeve of mine for as long as I can remember. There's never been a time when it hasn't just grated against my patience and my nerves. It just aggravates the ever living day lights out of me. And when I sit back and think of all the silly little pet peeves that I have, which are pretty abundant mind you, the worst ones have to deal with public restrooms.

1st up: Sit Down On the Toilet Seat To Pee - No Squatting Allowed

Yes, that's right, ladies. Sit your ass down on the toilet see when you pee. Don't hover, don't try to pee standing up. We weren't made to. If we were, we'd be men rather than women. So just sit your ass down already. I'm so tired of walking into a public bathroom stall and having to wipe up your yellow sprinkles after you used it. For the longest time I couldn't figure out how you could actually miss, I mean, you're sitting over the hole, it's a direct shot. It never occurred to me that women would actually not sit on the seat, I mean, we're women, and it's a seat, that's what we do. What are you afraid of that you can't sit down and pee in the hole? Ahh.. let me guess, you think you might actually catch something from the toilet seat right? Because other women hover over it and sprinkle their pee on it, just like you, leaving behind goodies that if you sit on with multiply into full blow gonorrhea and AIDS, right? Well, you're wrong. First of all, pee is sterile. Meaning that organisms can't reproduce in it. And let me just copy and paste here from just in case you don't believe my smartness on this topic..
"No doubt about it, there could be a witch's brew of germs wherever you turn in public restrooms. Many people consider toilet seats to be public enemy No. 1 -- the playground for organisms responsible for STDs like chlamydia or gonorrhea. But before you panic, the toilet seat is not a common vehicle for transmitting infections to humans. Many disease-causing organisms can survive for only a short time on the surface of the seat, and for an infection to occur, the germs would have to be transferred from the toilet seat to your urethral or genital tract, or through a cut or sore on the buttocks or thighs, which is possible but very unlikely.
 "To my knowledge, no one has ever acquired an STD on the toilet seat -- unless they were having sex on the toilet seat!" says Abigail Salyers, PhD, president of the American Society for Microbiology (ASM).

And unless you rubbing your vagina all over the seat, your fears are obviously unfounded. So sit down already.

2nd: If you sprinkle while you tinkle, be a sweety and wipe the seaty

That little poem is from a friend's bathroom when I was little and it's stuck with me ever since. There is not one time that has ever gone by since then that I haven't checked the toilet seat after going to the restroom to make sure I didn't sprinkle- regardless of whether I'm at home or in public. Because even though I sit on the toilet seat, there is the RARE occasion when my pee just goes haywire and manages to get under my butt check and end up on the seat. But I always check and if I've left a sprinkle, I wipe it up. It's not that hard. You make a mess, you clean it up, it's as simple as that and takes a mere two second. And if your one of those that just absolutely refuses to sit down and sprinkles everywhere, make sure your double, triple check.

3rd: Flush the Toilet, and if it's an automatic toilet, make sure it flushes or flush it yourself

My experience with automatic toilets is 50/50 .. 50% of the time they work, 50% of the time they don't and I still need to push the button to flush it myself. You should do the same. Just because it doesn't flush immediately doesn't mean it's broken and besides sitting on a wet toilet, there's not much worse than walking in on a full house if you know what I mean, and I'm not talking about poker hands here. I don't care if you're one of those uptight people and use your foot or your elbow or your ten foot pole, just flush the toilet. There are no "if it's yellow let it mellow" rules when it comes to public restrooms, everything falls under the flush it down category.

4th: Poop gets flushed right away, before your done,  even before you've wiped 

Poop smells. Really bad. Other people's poop smells even worse. So as soon as you've pooped, flush it down. Get rid of it. I know it's still going to smell. It doesn't kill the smell all together, but let me tell you, it makes a hell of a huge difference- rather than letting it sit there and air out while you clean yourself up. And if you have multiple poops, then flush after each one. So what if you flush 5 times- it's better to get rid of the stench than just wait it out and kill every one else who enters the bathroom, nevermind the poor women stuck in the stall next to you. Plus, that way your guaranteed to only have clean water splash on your butt when it plunks in. :)

5th: And for Heaven's sake, wash your hands after you use a public bathroom people

I mean, come on. You're so worried about catching something from the toilet seat, that you won't sit on it. You refuse to flush the toilet with anything besides your hospital booty covered foot. Yet, you just walk right out like you've avoided all the bathroom germs and you need not wash your hands before pulling on the handle and opening the door. Like, EW!! Because, while your pee may be sterile, your poop certainly is not. Here's the best explanation I've been able to find as to why this is necessary-

"The bigger problem is that lots of people use the bathroom and they might not be as neat as you.  
Poop, especially, contains a lot of germs, including E. coli, which can make you sick. Those germs are tiny and invisible, so they can be hiding on the faucet, doorknob, and other bathroom surfaces.
In the bathroom, you can easily get some germs on your hands and, if you don't wash up properly, you just might take them with you. Those germs could get into your body and make you sick — like if you eat your lunch with those unwashed hands. Or you could make someone else sick — like if you give a new friend a nice handshake with those germy hands and then she goes and eats her lunch!"

So, those are my 5 biggest public bathroom pet peeves. And I bet now that you read them and have become more aware about them, they will end up being some of yours too. And while I'm sorry for that, I'm also really thankful because that's one.. or two.. less people sprinkling on the seat.

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